Where My Heart Is

Of all the places in this world, the one that the Almighty loves is the mosque, and the one that He loathes is the market. 

The reason simply, in the mosque there are acts of His remembrance. In the market (shopping centre, the mall etc.) people are absorbed in worldly transactions. I’m not so sure what would be the category of a surau in the shopping centre. Anyways ....

In my younger years, whenever there’s a school holiday I frequented my kampung’s mosque, especially during the Maghrib and Isya prayers. The last Thursday night (malam Jumaat) before the announcements of the SRP (right, I’m ancient), SPM and A-Levels results, I made a point to ask the Tuan Imam to mention my ‘hajat’ before the commencement of the Surah Yassin recitation. My hajat was that I hoped to get good results. 

If you have more than 40 people reading the Surah Yassin concurrently, the doa will surely be granted, without doubt. All worthy praise to the Almighty. I wonder why, not many students nowadays (or even during my time) resort to this. Sure work one (but of course, you have to study and work hard, on your dissertation, your viva etc. if you are in the universities).

Once in the UK, the mosques were the only place to mend the broken heart. One summer, I practically rented a room on top of the Carrington Street Mosque (al-Furqan), courtesy of Imam Shah-Sahib. It felt like heaven. Able to call out the azan, and opened the mosque doors during Fajr at 3.30 am. There are other notable mosques in Glasgow like the University Mosque (Dakwatul Islam) as well as the Central Mosque, which is bigger than the Regent’s Park Mosque in London.

Back in the country, my heart was very much full of glee (dah tak broken2 dah). 

Remember those lovely girls I introduced to my mum in JB? 

Whenever I had a rendezvous with them, as soon as it’s the time for prayer, I brought them to the mosque (I love the huge, white washed and airy Masjid Abu Bakar). Initially, it was kinda gawky as some of them were wearing tight skirts and all. But after few times, they voluntarily brought their own telekung. Hoping that all of them, stay steadfast in their daily prayers.

My first ever date with my wife was near a mosque in her college. The catchy ice-breaking para-phrase “I’m the great grandson of Tok Guru, your dad’s god-father”, was inspired in that very mosque.

At present, the nearest mosque from my house is the grand Masjid Al-Husna, opposite the cute lion statuette of Sunway Pyramid. In the month of Ramadhan, I bring the whole family for the Tarawikh prayer there.

The house and the mosque, that’s where my heart is. 

To Sir (Madam) With Love: On Teachers Day

To Sir, Cikgu, and Everyone in Between

What do my dear father, my uncle Pak Alang, my mother-in-law, my eldest brother Yeop, my big brother Yang and his wife Kak Yang, my beloved wife, and even my ex have in common? They are all teachers — remarkable ones at that. I hold deep affection for each of them. Excluding the ex, of course. My wife is reading this.

On a fine summer day at Stirling University — a place so scenic it makes landscape painters feel inadequate, all lochs and glens and Trossachs — I crossed paths with a PhD student from Malaysia. After swapping stories, he looked me in the eye and said, "Your father is the reason I am here. I owe him everything."

Eh, really? I nearly choked on my shortbread (should be nasi lemak ... but that time I was in Scotland mind you).

It turned out my father had once urged this young man to stay in school and quietly paid his boat fare home. This was the swinging 60s — a time when such a small act could redirect an entire life's trajectory. When I told my father, he was pleased, but unsurprised. Humble as always. I suspect that boy was far from the only one.

Then there's Yeop. Napoleon Hill once said, "If you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way." Yeop didn't just read that quote — he apparently took it as a personal challenge.

Posted to a remote primary school in the Jelapang area in the late 80s — the kind of place that doesn't appear on GPS, tucked somewhere between a waterfall and a prayer — Yeop proceeded to turn it into the Kinta District Champions for girls' hockey. Not despite the school's size. Because of his belief in it. His students excelled on the field and in the classroom. I once had the honour of giving a motivational talk there during the Summer holidays. I like to think I helped. Yeop's daughter, by the way, became the most adorable Malaysian hockey player to ever grace a pitch. The apple doesn't fall far from the dugout.

My brother Yang, meanwhile, has always had the endearing habit of dangling his achievements just low enough for me to jump at them. He once announced, with great ceremony, that he'd passed his driving test in ten hours. I did it in six. Yang, if you're reading this — yes, I'm still counting.

But credit where it's due: during his time at MCKK in the early 90s, he pulled off something considered borderline miraculous — more than two classes of students scoring A1s in Additional Mathematics. In those days, that wasn't just impressive. It was the sort of thing people whispered about in the staffroom.

I, too, was shaped by extraordinary teachers. Mrs Lim at SK Methodist ACS Sitiawan — seemingly fierce, secretly kind, the classic combo. Mr Velupillay, my cricket coach, who handed me fifty ringgit (now worth around RM 185) during the U-16 MSSM and threw in free Physics tutorials because apparently he believed in compound investment. The sweet Ms Venny Lee, my 5S form teacher. Ms Zuraidah, my A-Level Chemistry teacher — with whom, I must say, we had genuine chemistry. And Mr Willie Ross, my Technical Drawing lecturer in Glasgow University, who delivered every lesson in a Scottish kilt with the energy of a man who had absolutely nothing to prove. 

Evidently, lecturers count too. The list, it seems, is longer than I thought.

To all of them — the patient ones, the fierce ones, the quietly generous ones who paid boat fares and gave fifty ringgit and wore kilts without irony — Selamat Hari Guru.

If you wanted the sky I would write across the sky in letters That would soar a thousand feet high To you, with love

Those awkward years have hurried by, why did they fly, fly away? Why is it Sir, children grow up to be people one day?

What takes the place of climbing trees, And dirty knees, in the world outside? What, what is there that I can buy?

— To Sir With Love, Lulu

Mommy Dearest

I would like to dedicate this to all the mothers in the world. Especially to my dear mother Puan Hajjah Khadijah bt Kamaruzzaman (and others who also bears the same name).

Dearest Mak,

I love you so very much. Nothing else matters than your wishes. I know that I was not a very 'ideal' son or 'anak yang soleh' in a true sense, as I would like it to be. Moreover, now I'm mostly occupied, especially with my work, my own family and all.

I knew that I did not really make your life easier, especially during my early childhood. I was not a healthy child back then. Every other month or so, you had to seek doctor's advice and medication on my not so-strong lungs. So much so that the Vicks VapoRub (in the blue glass canister) was my best friend.

My best friend when I was a small boy

I also knew that I did clung to your bosom until I was four years old. Back in the early 70's where the kebaya was in high fashion, I knew I was a nuisance and behaved like a little prick.

Mak and my eldest brother Yeop

Obviously Mak, these writings goes to your late mother, my dearest opah Hajjah Embun bt Lebai Ahmad. 

Oh God, I really missed her, now that she's mentioned. Opah was really a kind woman. She taught me a lot of things about life as a Kampung Boy. She taught me the Quran. She showed me how to feed the chicken, and how to sent them back to their 'reban' at dusk. How to take their eggs in the 'sangkar' without upsetting the mother hen. I knew things like how to make water filter using few layers of sediments, rocks and granules. As well as the process of making the mengkuang mat, from start to finish and other things only a kampung boy knew. 

Opah even gave me 20 ringgit when I said I wanted to go to town to meet a friend.

'Grandson, whatever it is, don't break someone's daughter's heart.' 

I was like 'terkedu' when I heard she said that. Well, she's the Tok Guru daughter, by the way. I spent like RM13.50 at the KFC with eehhmm, my friend, who's a girl. I hope and pray that Opah now resting in what said by the Holy Prophet, in one of the Garden of the many Gardens of Paradise and may the Almighty illuminates her grave and expand it as far as the eyes could see.

Dearest Mak,

Here, I would also want to clarify something. Remember, when Ayah and Opah had plans for me when I came back from Glasgow. You too had your own plan. You introduced me to one of your friend's daughter. She's very sweet, fair, lovely, with brunette wavy hair, hazel eyes and exotic name (reminds me of my princess Ayra). 

Not that I felt awkward knowing that she came from a 'lord' family and the father a Datuk has a big bungalow at SS2, and loved to karaoke all night long, as opposed to dear Ayah who's a mosque-goer and always waking up at night offering solat tahajjud and all. Not that at all. The reason simply, she smokes, and her breath stinks.

Now, that I have taken it out of my chest, I would like to thank you also for not accepting those lovely girls I introduced to you in JB. Else, I'll be writing a blog entitled 'From JB with Love', or 'Bukan Kemahuan Fikiran'.

So Dear Mak, 

Thank you very much giving birth to me, for taking care of me when I was feeble and helpless. I'll make doa to the Almighty after every solat, so that He forgives all the wrongdoings and have His infinite Mercy on both of you and Ayah, and will love you both much more than your love for me.

To all the mothers in Malaysia and in the whole world especially to the mother of my lovely kids (ok, ok ... you too MIL), you are our saviour, you are our everything.

Happy Mother's Day

My dearest Mak and me

From Taiping with Love

Taiping and Stirling (in Scotland, where William Wallace fought the battle with the English), are my favourite towns. 

My earliest recollection of Taiping is when I was a little boy, brought by my parents to Taiping on its centenary celebration. I remember standing at the back seat (my kids nowadays don’t have that luxury, as Ayah won’t start the car, if anyone of you not sitting still or not wearing seatbelt, yeap you too Bibik) of my Ayah’s Austin Morris.

Playing the huge (back then) concrete slides at the Lake Garden was a treat. The greenery of lush flora and fauna consoles the heart. The glimpse of tree branches dipping the lake was (and still is) a wonderful sight. That, with a background song by Tok Pah and Broery’s Seiring dan Sejalan, makes me wanna jump in the bell bottom slacks and (while) bouncing my natural wavy hair.

Taiping is where I was born. Taiping was the place I met my girlfriend (may she marry a rich guy and have lots of healthy kids) one fine day after the rain subsided. Honestly, I could still breathe the fresh air after the rain, and still feel the stillness of the mood. It’s like, if you are somewhere in the land of the Geordie, breathing the spring air while opening your flat’s windowpane (this is recommended in late March or early April) OR if you are here, its like sucking the black Hacks sweets and drinking cold water. You get the feeling?

Taiping has many firsts in the country. Do you know that the first swimming pool, the first Magistrate Court, the first Railway Station, even the first Tamil Newspaper was in Taiping. The first English girl's school, Treacher Girls' School also in Taiping.

Talking about schools, I’m particularly fond of SERATAS. Yeap, my dear wife was one of its alumni. I remember giving so call speech to the Prefect Board on one of my school’s trip there. On that particular trip, our entourage spent the night at SERATAS sick bay. The next morning most of us did not care to shower as the water was too damn cold.

Yesterday it rained here in my abode, the ‘feels good’ feeling revisits. Donno why, donno how. Maybe it has been really long time ‘things are keeping still’ between the rains in Taiping and of yesterdays.

“... bless the rains down in Taiping ...”

Texas

Westin Galleria

Well ... syukur alhamdulillah. 

Praise to Almighty Allah for His graciousness. All my itineraries and plans have been working fine. In fact the outcome is more than what I would expect. No doubt, this is only the beginning. There’s a long way ahead. There are difficulties. There will be obstacles. There will be challenges. I will plan accordingly ...

So long Houston. 

Melayu di Tanah Jawa

Surabaya.

Aku kembali ke Tanah Jawa buat kali kedua. Hampir semua pengucapan mereka hampir tak kufahami. Bukan seperti ketika di Jakarta.

Nevertheless, Graha, Marco, Nasi Padang, Tjiwi Kimia, Monkasel, Busana Batik, Juanda.

Don't know when I'll be back.

Hope to see you later Soerabaja.

 

portugis melawan yunani

What am I doing in the early morning to watch the final of Euro2004.

Majnun Dad

Bandar Sunway

It has been months, since I moved to this housing area. 

I was offered a decent job at a well established Oil & Gas engineering company in Sunway. We were doing a big LNG Plant project for PETRONAS. Obviously, my dear wife asked me to maybe try to look for a house somewhere in the locality. Previously, we were renting a terrace house somewhere in Cheras. As we already had 2 kids by that time, it makes more sense to start to maybe purchase our own house. 

By this time, Ahwaz was already 2 years old and Awateef was coming to 1. The house was not new, but the price (because of the location), was almost double from the original. Anyway, I think Bandar Sunway is quite strategic. There's the big Pyramid shopping mall and the Medical Centre, and many highways nearby viz. KESAS, Federal, LDP, NPE etc.

Our house is at the end of the road. Meaning that, no cars can pass through. Hence it's quite safe for the children to play outside.

One late evening nearly Maghrib time, while my kids were playing happily outside under my wife supervision, I heard loud dog barking outside the house and saw the wife and kids frighteningly running back into the house. 

I was in the house at that moment, ready to shower, wearing nothing but just a very short shorts (boxer shorts) and bathing towel, and obviously topless. Off course, with the bare chest and all, the wavy chest-hair will be thoroughly exposed.

I was getting so angry and really upset at the situation and grabbed my cricket bat while still holding the water bucket in the other hand. That Pakistani-made AS Falcon cricket bat has served me well as I already made 5-6 sixes with it.

I chased the dog away until halfway down the block. To be fair, the dog was kinda cute. Not the nasty Rottweiler kind. Anyway, I hit the water bucket so hard until it was broken into pieces with my bat and screamed out loud,

"WHO'S DOG IS THIS? WHY DON'T YOU PROPERLY LEASH YOUR DOG?"

"IF THE DOG DISTURBS MY KIDS AGAIN ...  I WILL KILL THE DOG !!!"

There was an awkward silence in the whole block.

I almost slipped my towel.

Anyway, from that day onwards, there were no more dogs running around freely at our housing block.

My wife, instead of praising me she in turn said, "Why la you did like that, like a crazy fella."

Songs of the Yesteryears (a.k.a. butir bicara menjadi untaian puisi)

I could sometimes, be quite melodramatic. A simple example would be, sniveling over the PETRONAS adverts. How pathetic could that be.

More to that, I was also (previously) attributed wonderful songs to the current vista I was in. Let me share some of the songs of my yesteryears.

Kalau Ku Bayangkan (J Mizan): The year was 1974. I was too small. I heard this song during a seemingly endless open-air bus journey from Bagan Serai to my hometown Sitiawan. “Kalau ku bayangkan dirimu jauh dari ku …”

Ku Cari Penawar Luka (Black Dog Bones): Maybe in 1978. I could still sing this song, especially while sautéing Agaricus Bisporus (cendawan butang) alone in the kitchen. “Bila aku pergi menjauh, menghilangkan diri darimu …”

Selamat Pagi Sayang (Noor Kumalasari): 1980. I woke up to this song on one fine cool morning in the Sick Bay at STAR. “… engkau datang membawa, sekuntum mawar merah, pagi menjadi indah …”

Nilai Cinta Mu (Sudirman): I was sneak-peeking my own identity in the early teens. The year was 1981. This song got nothing to do with that. “Pernah dulu kufikirkan, tanpa cinta tak mengapa, bila kau pergi kurasakan, sunyinya di hati …”

Akukah Terlewat (Royston Sta Maria): Me … in my adolescencies. Year 1982. Donno why the lyrics moved me, a lot. “Akukah terlewat, atau mungkin waktu yang tercepat …”

Lagu Dari Kamar (Noor Kumalasari): The earliest song dedicated to me by a friend. Yeap, those days, we did that. Maybe she wrote it in her room (dorm). Circa 1983. Started to sing it. Welcome to my life. I have lots of secrets to share, dreams to reveal and stories to tell. “Rindu mengajakku, renungi lembaranmu, kuulang membaca, surat bermakna …”

Careless Whispers (Wham!): I loved this song. Nope, I’m nuts over it. It’s 1985 CE. Someone asked me to empathise the lyrics, but I could care less. What’s she implying? I was naïved about the complexity of woman’s heart (and for the record, still am). “To the heart and mind, ignorance is kind, there's no comfort in the truth, pain is all you'll find …”

Akulah Kekasih Mu (Francessca): I was in SEMESTI. Year 1986. It got nothing to do whatsoever with anybody, except that I was full of glam as the Headboy. “Di pertemuan semusim yang lalu, harumnya suasana …”

Doa Buat Kekasih (Ramli Sarip & Khatijah Ibrahim): Still in 1986. This song, OMG, this very song. “Yang dulu usah dirindu, hilangkanlah dari hatimu …”

Kehebatan Cinta (Francessca & Jamal): Nineteen eighty seven. Love’s great, but won’t normally stay. Funny though, even now when I’m alone, if I heard this song, I would stop the car and would sing along. With a company, I’d lipped-sync. “Hatiku masih seperti dulu, tidak pernah pun berubah cintanya …”

Pelangi Petang (Sudirman): Still in 1987. This was about a cute pet-sis named Rose (where in the world is she now?). She scribbled the para “Engkau tiba bagaikan pelangi, tak bercahaya namun kau berseri …” in a really nice pink card. I became her rainbow, and she became my rose.

Bila Rindu Kusebut Namamu (Siti Fairuz): Summer hols 1988 in Glasgow. I was like bored-like-hell, because had to stay put while most of my friends have gone to Europe. “Bila ku resah ingin rasa ku bertemu, aku jadi tak menentu …”

Foolish Beat (Debbie Gibson): Cold. Lonesome. One dark forlorn Autumn. Year 1988. Cycling via the cycleway to Loch Lomond. Missed you. “I could never cry again like I did when I left you, and when we said goodbye …”

Srikandi Cinta Ku (Bloodshed): Still in 1988. Imagine an endless mid-Winter night. “Terciptalah rimba kehidupan, percintaan dalam perjuangan …”

Sejati (Wings): Glasgow West End. Circa 1989. Those hundreds of letters, red cards in February, that cute beagle (that Snoopy), after that rain in Taiping. “Gagal segala impian, tinggal bertanya erti sejati …”

Sentuhan Kecundang (Ekamatra): Early 1990 CE. Gone, everything. No explanation to offer. “Kita telah mencuba segala, namun tewas akhirnya …”

Lovely Day (Bill Whithers): Think of a bright Sunday morning in Spring. The year was 1990. How I wish the lovely morning breeze could convey my warm wishes. “Just one look at you and I know it's gonna be a lovely day …”

Losing My Religion (REM): Which I won’t, even I had to die. Early Summer 1991. Losing myself. Fallen apart. “What if all these fantasies, come flailing around …”

Asma ul Husna (anonymous): Summer 1991. The mosques were the only place.

Rush Rush (Paula Abdul): The Final Degree Exam Summer of ’91 was over. Tagging along with a friend and his old car trekking the beautiful castles, ruins, islands, highlands, glens, trossachs and lochs in one really pleasant Summer in Scotland. The lengthy daylight gave a little hope, if only I could ever again realise the meaning of longing, I’ll be rushing back. I’m dreaming, a wonderful mid-summer daydream. “You're the whisper of a Summer breeze, you're the kiss that puts my soul at ease …”

Kembalilah (Amy Mastura): Back to the tanahair and to the reality. And it bites. Year 1992. But this one made-in-the-UK drama swasta Melayu lingers me on. “Hanya engkau yang mengerti tentang aku, ku rasa hari-hari sepiku tanpa canda tawa bersamamu …”

Bukan Kemahuan Fikiran (Gee): The year was 1993. My heart was very much full of glee. I was in the southernmost tip of the Peninsula. Whatever happened here … bukan kemahuan fikiran. “Di perasaan tersimpan segalanya rahsia, dan tiada dapat ku tahankan rindu itu …

That’s it. No more songs after that.

Pertemuan Pertama

Aisyah College

IIUM

Aku di dalam keadaan tip-top. Segalanya dari rambut yang tersisir rapi (ke arah belakang), muka yang berseri-seri. Berlengan panjang, bertali-leher canggih dari Tie Rack. Semua rasaku, serba menawan.

Dengan segala keyakinan, aku pergi ke tempat yang aku tak pernah pergi, mencari seseorang yang tak pernah terlintas nak berkenalan (... tak masuk dalam list, kataku dulu).

Kuakui, harus aku berterima kasih pada pengalaman. Yakinku makin menebal. Ya lah, bertemu Datuk Pengarah, Ketua Jabatan, Engineer Kanan dll., pun tak punya masalah ...

... inikan pula, just another girl.

Kalau boleh ku kira (dan ku bilang) pada gadis-gadis (yang di-arrange oleh kakakku dan ibuku) yang menemukan aku di suasana sebegini ... pertemuan pertama ini, sepanjang tahun '92 iaitu:

Syikin
Zaidatul
Almalena
Zalila
Zuraini etc.

Semuanya bisa di-control. No problemo !

Ok.

Ready.

Tenang.

Dia dah datang. Agak kurus (my ideal ... macam Linda, biar solid sikit).

Bertudung (semua yang di atas, ain't).

Putih.

"Hai!"

Dia duduk (aku yang sememangnya sedang duduk).

"Kenal?"

Dia mengangguk.

Perbualan tak rasmi dua hala berterusan. Cara bicaranya (walau agak gugup kadang-kadang) dan cara dia berfikir dapat memuaskankan spesifikasi seorang aku.

Anehnya, aku secara tak sengaja, menapis segala ketidaktepatan bahasa dan ketidakjituan pengolahan pengucapannya.

Yang terus menusuk ke jiwa lelaki ini ialah suatu statement (kenyataan) ... yang perempuan di depanku ini berkemungkinan besar adalah ORANGNYA.

Ya, kemungkinan besar, dialah orangnya.

Aku mula senyum sendirian.

Dia masih gugup.

Aku terus menerus senyum sendirian.

Tamatlah sudah pencarian, kata hatiku.

Epic Train Journey

Madras to Tirunelveli

South Indian Railways Class T (Steam Locomotive)

Distance: 624 km (18 hr)

Madras (Chennai) to Tirunelveli, over 600 km journey

I was on my 'four months' sabbatical entourage with the Tablighi Jamaat soon after getting my Aerospace Engineering degree from the University of Glasgow. This was a period of time, before I came back to Malaysia and supposedly having to serve the Government (it's contractual) as I was one of their Public Services Department scholar.

That, was 'some' decision to make. But then again, I thought that if I missed this window of opportunity, there's no way I could find another, especially once I started working. Not to mention, what my parents would have said and reacted.

So there I was, in the middle of nowhere. Riding on a narrow gauge train with steam driven locomotive. This was still in the early 1990s anyway. The Indian Railway, even though it has become the backbone of the country transportation, it was not yet fully modernised.

This Madras (now Chennai) to Tirunelveli train was really a long journey, even though not as arduous as the trips I took before i.e. from Delhi to Madras or from Karachi to Lahore where I was riding in these express trains practically in days. Those long train journeys really had me occupied in deep thoughts about the my purpose of life, about my long lost GF, and about everything else for that matter.

For whatever reason, all the coaches on this steam train were all individual wagon type. Meaning, you can't move from one coach to another coach. Once the train is moving, you will be stuck in your own coach.

Somewhere about halfway during the journey, the train stopped at a station named Tiruchirappalli. I asked my fellow traveller who's an Indian, 

'So, brother. How long this train would stop here?'

Obviously, I had to make that famous Indian-head-wobble (head-shake) together with my query, just to prove a point. In fact, I've already mastered this gesture ever since I landed in the Indian sub-continent two months back. This head-wobble, I tell you ... it's very infectious. 

In fact, nothing seems to be complete without it. I observed that this head wobbling thing, can be used to express appreciation or thanks as well as to acknowledge someone's presence (especially if you see someone you know across the street but can't shout out to them). This delicate movement of the head can also be seen as a gesture of kindness or goodwill. For example, when suddenly someone sits down next to you on the train even though you have paid for the whole seat / sleeping berth, you just have to wobble your head. I had many of those occasions during the Delhi-Madras trip.

'I estimated ...' 

My travelling Indian brother begin to response. By now, you could imagine he's already talking in his thick Indian accent while his head started to wobble.

'... this train will stop about 10 minutes, as a minimum.'

He said it with such confidence, along with his head wobbling to prove his point.

'Thank you brother.'

In my mind I did have some doubts though, but I just gave him some benefits as I felt a little bit hungry.

So, I got off the coach and went to look for some food. It seems that, the food stalls were somewhere at the end of the platform, and I had to walk a bit.

I managed to buy some freshly prepared tosai together with its idli condiment. Oh yes, you can never get more original tosai than this, not even at the Indian Banana Leaf stalls near the Ipoh Padang, which I'm used to, after each cricket match with the Royal Ipoh Club gentlemen during my school days.

Suddenly, I heard the train sounding its loud horn. Almost immediately, it started to move.

'Ohh sh**,'

Soon after I realised that I was in fact in a religious journey (well, sort of),  I then said,

'Astagfirullahalazim,'

I ran as fast as I could to catch the moving train. There's no way I could get back to my coach as it's at least 50 m away. I just boarded the nearest coach and managed to safely get into the moving train. The scene was just like in the movies.

Steam train with individual coach wagons

The coach that I boarded was meant for ladies. Yes, it's a ladies coach. To make it even more dramatic, the coach was full of nuns. They were a bit as surprised when they saw me. There was an empty seat near the door, and I quietly sat there. I did try to explain with my hand gestures, head wobbled and all, but they were just smiled, as if saying,

'Such a foolish young foreigner, what a pity.'

I saw the nuns were in a jovial mood. They were talking and chatting happily to each other and sang along the way. The next stop was Madurai. That means, I was in that coach full of nuns for about 3 hours.

I thought it was just like another movie scene.

Di Persisiran Lautan Hindi

Kayal Patnam

Seorang Sahabat R.A. suatu ketika di fisabilillah (Jalan Allah) menunggang kudanya sampai mencecah ke dalam laut lalu berkata, "Kalau aku tahu ada daratan di seberang sana, akan aku ke sana menyebarkan kalimah Allah."

Aku di sini, tahu di seberang sana ada daratan (... Sri Lanka) dan berazam di dalam hati yang aku akan keluar di Jalan Allah ke sana suatu hari, insya Allah.

Graduation 1991

Glasgow University

Pagi aku bangun (selalunya tengahari).

Setelah berkemas-kemaskan diri dengan suit hitam kupinjam dari Murad, aku ke University.

Alvin 'memungutku' di Gibson Street.

Kemudian ke Hunter Hall East menandatangani album graduan, mengambil jubah dan hood, dan bergambar.

Di Senate Room, sebahagian dari para graduan (termasuk aku) diberi panduan ringkas tentang upacara graduation.

Ke Bute Hall yang gemilang, dan aku pun diberilah B.Sc. (Eng) in Aerospace Engineering.

Kemudian, bergambar, bergambar dan bergambar.

B.Sc. (Eng) in Aerospace Engineering, Glasgow University, July 1991

Bersama rakan-rakan dan pensyarah

Tahniah semua

Handsome looking your engineering graduates

Alvin and I

Where shall I be next?

Tour of Scotland

Tour I

Di petang Summer yang basah, bersama Fiat Uno 45 dari Arnold Clark, dan berbekal Gino Ginelli dan Irn Bru, kami membelah suasana ...

Segalanya yang mempersona dan menarik sekitar pergunungan Scotland.

• Kapal selam di Inveraray
• Bukit dan lembah di Fort William
• Monster yang tak timbul-timbul di Loch Ness
• The Last House di John O'Groats
• Waterfall di Dingwall
• Memancing di Stanley

(~500 batu / 805 km)

Tour II

Loch Lomond.

Fishing rod, Irn Bru dan aerobie (an improved version of frisbie), dan aku.

Atlantic Radio di radio usang Toyota si Murad. Apalah yang boleh kukatakan, cuma rileks semahu mungkin.

Tour of Scotland berterusan ....

• Fish & chips di Town Centre Stirling
• Mendaki Wallace Monument
• Doune Castle (sekitar kurun ke 14) di Doune
• Di Callender bersama Rob Roy (Scotland's most famous outlaw)
• Meneroka Trossachs (Scotland in miniature) bersama loch, gunung ganang, glen dan sungai
• Aberfoyle
• Dan balik ke Glasgow

Berteman Tanbihul Ghafilin

25 Jun 1991

Glasgow

Mungkin kali ini aku lebih takut dan kurang bersedia untuk menghadapi realiti dunia (yang pada hakikatnya tidak 'real' pun). Apapun, ku suruh sahabatku Murad melihatkan keputusan perperiksaan.

Dan aku, yang tidak bermaya ini, mengadu diri pada Allah. Ku capai kitab Tanbihul Ghafilin, karya Abulaits Assamarqandi, sampai ku terlelap dan termimpi-mimpi.

Kemudian Murad kembali. Tahniah. Engkau lulus dengan B.Sc in Aerospace Engineering dari University of Glasgow. Sedih kurasakan, apabila Murad terkandas kali ini.

Lewat petangnya sebelum Maghrib (sekitar 10.00 pm), ku beranikan diri ke universiti. Mencari namaku di papan tanda keputusan.

Suatu Musim Panas di Cumbria

Summer makin berseri. Lagu 'Sailing On the Seven Seas' di udara. Aku, Vin, Amir dan Shamshir benar-benar di dalam mood yang segar.

Di kiri atau kanan jalan terhampar tasik-tasik yang permukaannya berkilau dek matahari musim panas. Kami berhenti di Brockholes, merebahkan diri di persisian tasik indah. Sandwich tuna mengisi menu baersama yang tidak boleh ketinggalan lagi minuman Irn Bru.

Seterusnya ke Castlerigg Stone Circle dan sempat kami bersolat berteman kambing berbiri.

Aerospace Engineering Final Year Dinner

Bearsdean Suite, Hospitality Inn

Mula-mula, I don't give a damn tentang Final Year Dinner ni. Tapi si Hamzah dari Brunei mengajakku sungguh-sungguh.

Seterusnya, fikirku patut ku ke St Enoch shopping sedikit. Aku singgah di Nickleby's dan Tie Rack.

Malam ini rasanya smart sekali (mungkin perasan).

Mungkin tak macam A-Level Party dulu, tapi ini rasaku ada istimewanya.

Laylatul Jaa'izah (Night of Prize Giving)

Malam 1hb Syawal 1411

Bilikku yang selalu sepi, selalu sunyi, tiba-tiba pada malam ini bertukar suasana. Budak-budak bujang  datang sampai ku rasakan tak muat lagi bilikku ini.

Kami pun bertakbir mursal. Seorang demi seorang, mengambil giliran menerajui takbir.

اللّهُ أكبر

لا إلَهَ الا اللّه

اللّهُ أكبر اللّهُ اكبر

و لِلّه الحمدَ

Tak dapat dipertikaikan, di celah-celah itu, rasa nostalgia menikam ke penjuru hati.

Kemudian nasi himpit, kuah kacang, triffle, keropok, agar-agar, Bombay Mix dan Irn Bru, mengisi lapar-lapar kami ....

... hingga ke larut malam.

Cherry Pie di Suatu Musim Salju

Reading Room

Di luar sana, salju tak henti-henti turun. 
Beku dan memutih segala suasana.

Dan aku yang merempuh putik-putik halus salju tadi, dengan bersepatukan Nike sneakers ... terasa jemari kakiku kebasahan oleh salju yang telah cair.

Tengah-hariku di Bay Tree di persisiran Great Western Road. Mengadap hot chocolate dan cherry pie .....

Suatu Hari di Glasgow University

Subuhnya, aku bingkas bangun dari sleeping bag yang hangat. Berjemaah di Masjid al-Furqan. Surah Yassin ku baca buat pembuka hari.

Surat dari Ayahanda tercinta, ku balas suratnya terus dengan kertas nipis bertaip kemas.

Sarapan dengan nasi dan ayam masak kicap, lebihan semalam. Berpakaian lebih kurang, terus ke Hillhead dengan Tube. Kemudiannya ke Reading Room yang rekabentuknya telah memenangi anugerah istimewa.

Mengadap Macintosh clusters. Lama juga aku di sana ... dan tiba-tiba aku terhenti sejenak. Entah apalah yang silap formula worksheet di dalam Microsoft Excel sehingga data ku agak lari dan tidak konsisten.

Boring, lalu aku ke Hub. Ku capai Dextro Energy dan Halls dan kemudian ke University Library. Rileks sebentar sambil membaca apa yang perlu dibaca di dalam The Independent.

Aku kemudian kembali ke Reading Room.

Autumn - Winter 1990

11.30 malam

Aku kembali bertapa di Great Western Road.

Di kamar luas dan kekurangan perabut. Jendela kaca yang lebar menghadap jalanraya. Wall paper yang kemas. Rocking chair yang unik. Rose tiruan di pasu simple atas meja kecil. Rak majalah. Model Kamov Hokum, 747-400 dan Concorde.

Spray berbau pine. Foot warmer si Tony Frosties. Mini compo Shamshir dan sleeping bag tebal made in Dewsbury.

Sepanjang Great Western Road:

270 (1/R): Setahun pengajian bersama Lan & Rosman

112 (2/L): Lepak & melepak

244 (1/L): Norehan dll.

Sanam, Pabbis, Co-op, petrol station, Kelvinbridge, Swan National dan Boulevard.

Mungkin banyak lagi dan mungkin ada lagi selama ku teruskan pertapaan ini.

Keretapi Malam

Glasgow Central - London Euston

Perjalanan jauh dan membosankan.

Tambah lagi, bila tiada teman untuk diajak berbicara. Stesen keretapi Euston di kota London adalah lebih kurang enam jam dari sekarang. 

Mungkin subuhku di dalam koc. Dan solat-solat yang lain terpaksa dijama' dan diqasarkan. Dan lenaku malam ini, pasti di sandaran kerusi. 

Tiada, bagiku yang romantis tentang keretapi. Mungkin, aroma ucapan selamat tinggal, lebih berkesan di stesen keretapi.

Dengan terminal dan platform yang luas dan sepi, tentu sayu dan sendu, bertandang mesra.

Where I was in 1987-1988 ....

I was in my first year at Glasgow University from September 1987 until through out the summer of 1988.

My matric number: 871243

Initially my first flat was at:

29, Oakfield Avenue

Glasgow G12 8LL

Oakfield Avenue

After few months, I moved over to another flat at:

87 (1/R), Barrington Drive

Glasgow G4 9ES

Throughout the academic calendar year, in between the Martinmas, Candlemas and Whitsun Terms, I did some travelling in the UK as well as around Europe to the following cities or towns:

1. Dewsbury


2. Blackburn


3. Loch Lomond


4. Edinburgh


5. Newcastle upon Tyne


6. London


7. Paisley


8. Stirling


9. Falkirk


10. Carlisle


11. Sheffield


12. Manchester


13. Bradford


14. Leeds


15. Balloch


16. Southall


17. Stretenham


18. Dover


19. Calais


20. Brugge


21. Anterwerpen


22. Breda


23. Gorinchem


24. Bremen


25. Hamburg


26. Odense


27. Nyborg


28. Helsinger


29. Helsinborg


30. Stockholm


31. Fittja


32. Tensta


33. Rinkeby


34. Goteburg


35. Malmo


36. Copenhagen


37. Amsterdam


38. Brussels


39. Gent

It was on 17th May 1988, I celebrated the 1st day of Syawal in Glasgow, UK while the Aidil Adha on 24th July in Malmo, Sweden.

I also worked part time in a cafe with a mere salary of 12 pounds per day :(

Tok Guru

Supposedly, I was the great grandson of a Tok Guru.

My great grandfather the Tok Guru was a well known 'orang alim' originated from Penang. His name was Ahmad bin Abbas, or famously known as Lebai Ahmad.

Sometimes he goes under the pen-name Malik al Faqir al Haqir Ahmad bin Abbas Filfilan.

He passed away peacefully in 1963.

Aqaaid al Iman, written by Tok Guru

Seketika Itu

Seketika itu aku terpegun di jendela kamarku yang membuka luas pandangan luar. Salji sedang turun. Putik-putik sehalus kapas, melayang-layang menjunam dari langit. Aduhai, aduhai indahnya suasana. Aku semakin enak di situ. Salji makin lebat. Semuanya memutih. Aku turun ke bawah.

Inikah salji?

Kukepal, kuramas, kukepal, kubaling ke dinding. Aku kemudiannya berlari-lari ke Kelvingrove Park.

Memang, dingin bagai salji, putih bagai salji, suci bagai salji.

Cuma di keriangan ini, aku sendirian yang merasakannya. Benar, sungguh aku, aku suka begini. Tapi, di suatu sudut yang terceruk di dalam hati ini membisikkan, 'tentu lebih indah kalau berteman.'

Kelvigrove Park
Glasgow
Feb 1988

di mana-mana

Rose, kulihat engkau di mana-mana. Walau sekarang ini tiada sekerap dulu, tapi engkau tetap mendatang. Aku rindu pada dirimu sayang. Tapi aku juga tahu, bukan sekarang masanya.

Sabarlah, tunggulah, haraplah dan yang terutama ... pohonlah kepada Allah, agar dapat kita bersama keranaNya.

Glasgow

Rinduku Kini

Rinduku kini
pada Jannah
tapi bukan pada 
berjenis sungai
atau merdu
bidadari memanggil
juga tiap pohon
yang ditanam
tapi padamu
oh Allah
biarlah hambaMu 
yang sebegini dhaif
dapat bertemu 
Tuhannya

Barrington Drive
Glasgow 
Jan 1988